& the love never fades
2012-03-10, 8:40 a.m.

Amy,
When I think about the past and our relationship I always start at the very beginning; how we met and how wonderful things were. It’s hard to imagine how hard we managed our relationship and how long we stayed together despite the constant upheaval of Heather and other outside influences, like Lois. I love you, still, even though we are going through all of this. I know my lack of character is due to my hurt, and the sudden unpreparedness of the situation.
I am really and truly sorry for the unneeded turmoil I have brought you. Selfishly I wanted you to experience the same pain as me, but know my behavior is all wrong. I was asked, yesterday, how long I would wait for you, and without hesitation I said, “Forever. I love her, I always will.” Now, I know you have moved on from our relationship, and I accept that now; I just want you to be happy and be able to experience every bit of happiness you deserve. I am so, so, sorry for all of the pain and emotional torment you have struggled with over the past 6 years. Any hurt we experienced together, I thought, was the norm in any given relationship because relationships aren’t meant to be perfect, they have their ups and downs, and I soon began to feel like a married couple. We had so much fun together, and I adore your family. Even through all of this I still do, and carry the utmost respect for them.

I saw your mom at Marty’s shop the other day; it hurt that she wouldn’t go in until I left. At that moment I suddenly felt like I had the plague. I knew any relationship I ever had with your mother was gone. No, I didn’t expect her to choose sides, of course not; she’s your Mom and I wouldn’t have expected less, but I guess actually experiencing “a moment” was a real swift kick in the gut.

I wish things were different, and it was just us two working things out; however, I realize you are in a situation where you probably feel stuck and don’t know what direction to turn in. I am so sorry I put you there.
I get ridiculed on a pretty regular basis from Tory; she says things that piss me off and I tell her that her comments are uncool and unneeded. Angie supports us both and is very neutral in all of this, and mentioned to me yesterday, as we were out driving around, that if you called her she would be there for you, too. She loves us both, and doesn’t want either of us to hurt. She is a great friend, and when you have a friend that remains neutral in a situation such as this, you know you have a friend worth keeping.

I should say I am glad you have Dave to lean on, if you are. You need some padding to help cushion the hurt, too. Of course, I won’t say that about the other “two” because my feelings toward them are not neutral. I don’t carry any animosity toward them I just have a hard time trusting things that come forth from their lips.
I am so sorry for the things I said to you over the course of the past two weeks, they were vile, revengeful and self-loathing words. You didn’t deserve any of that, and I am truly and deeply sorry for the extra unneeded stress I placed on you; you have enough on your plate, and adding more to the mix was just selfish.

I was told that I am too forgiving and care too much for you. Well, I am, because I love you and I can’t just shut myself down like some people. Remember when I told you a few years that you were the one for me? I meant that, and it is still true – I’m not looking for a hook-up or looking to get into another relationship. I realize we may never be together again, but at least I have the past to hold onto to bring smiles to my face. This is a tough struggle for the both of us, and I hope we are able to come away from this with appreciation and gratitude toward one another; I would be disappointed if we achieved anything less.

I love you, I always will. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. Your health and safety are always important to me.
Love,
Me

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