& my beautiful daughter
2013-10-31, 1:26 a.m.

I am going to tell you a few things about yourself. You can hate me later.

You are a horrible girlfriend. You lied and thieved your way out of your relationship with Christin to be with Kaitlyn. And now you're treating Kaitlyn like shit. All she did was wait for you, and love you. How can you ask someone to be your girlfriend one minute then justify your behavior by saying you need to be single? That's a fucking cop-out. It is a direct contradiction of everything you have done and said over the last 4 months.

"I still love her, mom. I miss her, mom. I'm miserable with Christin." You know deep down the real reason why you stayed in that nuclear relationship, it was because of that baby.

I am not telling you isn't okay to love Marlie. It IS okay, but she isn't your child and when you walked away, that was it. The end. You don't get to go back because you feel bad.
Yes, Christin broke up with you. Boo-hoo. If you really loved her you would've stayed.

You were looking for an out and she gave it to you, and now that you're feeling bad, and "empty" you want to run away. You can tell me that you're not, but you are. Everyone loves you, Heather, but you always manage to find some way, some reason to walk away, thinking it is perfectly fine.

You deserve that time to hurt, to cry, to be angry but pushing the very people away who would do anything for you won't keep them around forever. The past is in the past. I wish you'd learn some way to leave it there. Yet, somehow, you can't - you let it drag you down inside this vicious, disgusting pool of self-pity. That isn't who you are! But for some reason you manage to let all of the negative energy of the past carry you to the next place of misery and self-loathing.

I love you and want the very best for you. I always will because my love for you is endless. But what is going to happen when you finally make it across that bridge you're talking about and discover that the one great thing you had right beside you all along is gone, and gone to a place where you can't find them?

You don't want to look back on your life and wonder "What if." Take life by the horns, with the good and the bad, and enjoy it while you can. Love isn't temporary, our lives are. Please, don't waste it on the past. It's the past for a reason.

If I have hurt you I am truly sorry, I just can't handle how you treat yourself then project it onto the people who truly love you.
Your anger towards me will pass. I'm your mom, and I love you. I know you love me, too, but you also are in love with two people - it's time to do the right thing and stick with it. You can't worry about regrets. Live your live the way it is intended.

If you fall in love with two people, you should always chose the second, because if you were, ever, truly in love with first, you never would have fallen for the second.

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